I know you are always with me!

I know you are always with me!

People who know me very closely they say I still behave like a child. I am 22 years old, teacher by profession. I don’t understand how can they say that I behave like child? From the age of 4 I have tried to be responsible towards my life. Each and every small thing has mattered to me. I lost all the colors of my life when I was in 3rd standard. Everyone compare her with god. Same god took her away from me when I was kid. At the age of sleeping in her arms god stole her from me. She was a beautiful angel who finished herself because of a monster.
As the angel went I lost everything in my life. From that day of my life I have been searching for the love of mother. Mother and Father are the most important words of everyone’s life but not mine. Losing mother wasn’t my choice but leaving father was and I chose that. I miss her every single moment of my life. Valentines can be celebrated with or without lover but how to celebrate mother’s day without a mother. I don’t remember her face. I can’t remember any of her single memory. The worst part is I don’t have single picture of my mother. Whenever I try to remember something I see nothing but darkness. I get blank. People say life without mom is incomplete! Yes, it’s true. And I have been living an incomplete life and will always lead an incomplete life without my angel.
Time never waits for anyone. When I started going to school I saw my friends mothers used to drop them and pick them. Their mom used to feed them. My friends used to go out for shopping with their moms. And I used to take hotel food as my tiffin till 8th standard as my family was in village and I was studying in city. Even after my family shifted to city I got my tiffin from home but I always missed my mom. Children complain about their mother, they cry because their mom scolds them and I cry because I don’t have mother to scold me, to love me. Whenever I see children with their parents I realize how unlucky I am. I cried a lot. Even now I cry. Every single drop of water combines and forms an ocean the same way small situations makes a memory for the whole life. Even if I don’t remember her and her memories sometimes I can hear the words “appi, putta, kusu, gubbi, chinnu” and I search her everywhere. I feel empty when I don’t find her. Life becomes hopeless, meaningless.
As I told earlier time never wait for anyone. Days pass, sun rises and sets at the end of the day we have to sleep and wake up next morning. Every single morning I miss sunshine of my life. Today I am educated and responsible person still I want to be that 4 years old kid who was lucky enough to spend time with my mom. 22 years grown up version of me is jealous of 4 years old kid in me. Kids’ show their emotions openly sometimes they hide their sadness and make others laugh. I want to be that kid again. Being 22 years old adult I can’t show my emotions openly. I have learnt to hide my emotions but I am not strong enough to move on from my mom. I love you maa. And no matter what you will be always in me.

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This is wonderful.


There are so many emotions in this blog. As you said that the father are the most important words of everyone’s life but not mine there will be a reason behind it. I miss my dad very much. Overall your blog is great !